Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Lately...I've Had The Strangest Feeling...

Today is a horribly somber day for me.  Just yesterday, I found myself reading a post by Bella of CitizenRosebud about how life is short, how we often take it for granted until death smacks us directly in the face.

I commented back to her telling her that oftentimes we get so caught up into our own 'mess' that we forget how important little things like phone calls and visits are. We don't say I love you enough, we don't keep in contact enough, we don't understand how valuable life truly is until we are stricken with grief.

Just last week, an old high school classmate of mine was taken away all too soon. Tons of people have been dying in area disasters. And the gas prices make me cry each time they inch closer to $4. 

Over the past couple of days (and weeks) there has been something very weird going on in the world...something very eerie...something...different.

Yesterday, I woke up and I felt so out of sorts. As if something were out of place. The weather was gorgeous, a normal May day if you will. All throughout the day though, something was nagging at me. I felt as if I was living outside of my own body.

No sooner than I had gotten off of work and pulled in my driveway, the sky had turned pitch black. Then all of a sudden...heavy winds, huge balls of hail, and massive rain. Now I've been living in the Hampton Roads area for the majority of my life and I've never seen anything quite like this. Never have I witnessed a storm that made me feel this way. The feeling was indescribable. Maybe because this storm was so unexpected. Ya know usually you hear weather reports or even warnings about storms, tornado's, or hurricanes...but I heard absolutely NOTHING this time and  I could feel that something bad was bound to happen within its aftermath.

When I walked outside, I saw a huge trampoline that was blown into the middle of the street directly in front of my house.  Whole trees were broken in half.  Power lines had exploded and traffic lights were totally out of order. Imagine the chaos that caused in an area where people already drive as if they got their licence out of the Lucky Charms box. Seriously, I was a hair's length away from being a witness (if not a victim) in a terribly fatal accident.

My heart hurt.

At about 7 ish I received a phone call from my BF. The usually preliminary conversation-how was your day, what are we doing tonight, yadda yadda yadda-until he told me he would call me back. He's told me that he would call me back plenty of times before but this time the tone of his voice sent a chill through my body.

My phone rang approximately 10 minutes later..."Baby," he cried frantically. He proceeded to ask me if I knew 'so and so'.  Usually my answer is no because he has a habit of asking me about the most random people in the world. On this occasion though my answer was yes. I did know 'so and so'.  "He was killed during the storm". I couldn't speak. Our mutual friend, his fraternity brother had been pinned between two buildings on his job site when the heavy winds of the storm pushed a portal crane into one of the buildings.

I felt defeated.

I'm still confused. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. I'm still hoping that I'm dreaming, hoping that the news anchors will say that they made a mistake and the person who was killed wasn't our friend.

Walter Amos, 30 years old.
He was one of those guys that everyone loved. So very outspoken, with such a viral personality. Always smiling, joking, and hopping around with his fraternity brothers with his shirt off. Aggressive by nature but wouldn't hurt a fly.  He touched the hearts of so many. And I know that you're not supposed to question God but I find myself wanting to ask why. Why take away such a good person and leave the criminals here to tear our world apart?

I'm angry and not dealing with this very well at all because I can't understand it.

Have any of you ever felt this way before?
How do you deal with things that you don't understand?

People have spoken about a rapture that is to come and deface the earth. Grandmothers and grandfathers continue to say that the end is near. There has been so much devastation throughout the world-ie-natural disasters, increased criminal activity, economic recession-that I can't help but to believe some of this to be true.  

I said all of this to say that though I will still visit you ladies and remain (somewhat) active with commenting on your fabulous blogs, I will not be posting on a regular basis because I just need to get myself together. I don't want to obligate myself to this and not deliver so with that being said...I hope that you all will still  continue to come through and visit every now and again. And I hope that you won't hold this against me.

Until next time...

14 comments:

  1. Brooke's ClosetJanuary 9, 2012 at 12:56 PM

    I wanted to reply! BUT the tears are keeping me at BAY!
    BRB

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  2. I love your blog!  Have to follow.

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  3. Thank You sooo much for stopping by and following!

    Rockwell

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  4. I am so very sorry for your loss. death is never an easy thing to deal with. I lost my Dad and my brother within 6 months of each other back in 2003, and I would not have come out of it alive if it weren't for my religion. here's a quote: "Death is a part of God’s plan and provides an opportunity for faith to
    overcome fear. It is a time when free agency does not allow us the
    option of whether or not we will face the trial, only how we will face it."
     I learned to look at things with an eternal perspective, and that makes it bearable.  I know I will see all my loved ones and friends again someday & they are happier where they are now. If you want to read more about what makes my life worth living, you can read this article right here. (I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints by the way, if you were wondering.) I hope things get easier for you.

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  5. Oh thank you so much..your words have touched and inspired me and that's much appreciated;-)

    Rockwell

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  6. i'm so sorry for your loss.  thanks for sharing...i know it can be hard to do.

    please take care, and hope to see u in the bloggy world again soon!

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you. That's all I do when I don't understand. Just pray for peace that passes all understanding...

    My condolences. 

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  8. I've been in and out of crying spells...still in disbelief. Somethings just leave you speechless ya know...but I truly thank you for reading!

    Rockwell

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  9. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  Stay strong--my prayers are with you and his family and friends.

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  10. Thank You for your kind words!

    Rockwell

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  11. My prayers are with you during this time of loss and confusion.  You can ask God why and I pray that you do.  Seek him, seek his face.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Take this time for yourself.  Retreat but only temporarily.  sending lots of blog love your way xoxo
    www.rosefromrosedale.com

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  12. Those words are so comforting right now.. Thank You kindly;-)

    Rockwell

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  13. I shall return sooner than later...thanks for reading;-)

    Rockwell

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  14. Lovely words...thank you dear;-)

    Rockwell

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