Lately...I've Had The Strangest Feeling...

Today is a horribly somber day for me.  Just yesterday, I found myself reading a post by Bella of CitizenRosebud about how life is short, how we often take it for granted until death smacks us directly in the face.

I commented back to her telling her that oftentimes we get so caught up into our own 'mess' that we forget how important little things like phone calls and visits are. We don't say I love you enough, we don't keep in contact enough, we don't understand how valuable life truly is until we are stricken with grief.

Just last week, an old high school classmate of mine was taken away all too soon. Tons of people have been dying in area disasters. And the gas prices make me cry each time they inch closer to $4. 

Over the past couple of days (and weeks) there has been something very weird going on in the world...something very eerie...something...different.

Yesterday, I woke up and I felt so out of sorts. As if something were out of place. The weather was gorgeous, a normal May day if you will. All throughout the day though, something was nagging at me. I felt as if I was living outside of my own body.

No sooner than I had gotten off of work and pulled in my driveway, the sky had turned pitch black. Then all of a sudden...heavy winds, huge balls of hail, and massive rain. Now I've been living in the Hampton Roads area for the majority of my life and I've never seen anything quite like this. Never have I witnessed a storm that made me feel this way. The feeling was indescribable. Maybe because this storm was so unexpected. Ya know usually you hear weather reports or even warnings about storms, tornado's, or hurricanes...but I heard absolutely NOTHING this time and  I could feel that something bad was bound to happen within its aftermath.

When I walked outside, I saw a huge trampoline that was blown into the middle of the street directly in front of my house.  Whole trees were broken in half.  Power lines had exploded and traffic lights were totally out of order. Imagine the chaos that caused in an area where people already drive as if they got their licence out of the Lucky Charms box. Seriously, I was a hair's length away from being a witness (if not a victim) in a terribly fatal accident.

My heart hurt.

At about 7 ish I received a phone call from my BF. The usually preliminary conversation-how was your day, what are we doing tonight, yadda yadda yadda-until he told me he would call me back. He's told me that he would call me back plenty of times before but this time the tone of his voice sent a chill through my body.

My phone rang approximately 10 minutes later..."Baby," he cried frantically. He proceeded to ask me if I knew 'so and so'.  Usually my answer is no because he has a habit of asking me about the most random people in the world. On this occasion though my answer was yes. I did know 'so and so'.  "He was killed during the storm". I couldn't speak. Our mutual friend, his fraternity brother had been pinned between two buildings on his job site when the heavy winds of the storm pushed a portal crane into one of the buildings.

I felt defeated.

I'm still confused. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. I'm still hoping that I'm dreaming, hoping that the news anchors will say that they made a mistake and the person who was killed wasn't our friend.

Walter Amos, 30 years old.
He was one of those guys that everyone loved. So very outspoken, with such a viral personality. Always smiling, joking, and hopping around with his fraternity brothers with his shirt off. Aggressive by nature but wouldn't hurt a fly.  He touched the hearts of so many. And I know that you're not supposed to question God but I find myself wanting to ask why. Why take away such a good person and leave the criminals here to tear our world apart?

I'm angry and not dealing with this very well at all because I can't understand it.

Have any of you ever felt this way before?

How do you deal with things that you don't understand?

People have spoken about a rapture that is to come and deface the earth. Grandmothers and grandfathers continue to say that the end is near. There has been so much devastation throughout the world-ie-natural disasters, increased criminal activity, economic recession-that I can't help but to believe some of this to be true.  

I said all of this to say that though I will still visit you ladies and remain (somewhat) active with commenting on your fabulous blogs, I will not be posting on a regular basis because I just need to get myself together. I don't want to obligate myself to this and not deliver so with that being said...I hope that you all will still  continue to come through and visit every now and again. And I hope that you won't hold this against me.

Until next time...